Saturday, January 26, 2008

so, you know that sign I was looking for?

I think on Thursday, in the form of being rejected from the final uni I was interested in and had the required grades for, it arrived.

Arrived is far too passive a verb.

Anyhow, I got my sign, so now I guess it's time to stop being what most people would call "careful" or "realistic" (so, cowardly), and start being brave and fierce.

You can't be careful about ambition.

So here's the plan: I somehow find the motivation to finish my A2's over the next five months, then I go back to London, find myself some place to stay, get myself a waitressing job or something, & start gigging.

Exciting isn't it?

Finally; I've been feeling a lot of things over the past few days, dealing with this abrupt change of plan, above all I've been more scared than I've ever been, I've also been frustrated that my original plan of getting a degree first isn't possible anymore; basically I've been just trying to think through it all and catch up, place myself. Then last night some things occurred to me; first of all, as I said, I've been waiting for a push in either direction for a while now; if this isn't a sign I don't know what is, and secondly, maybe this whole "clever plan" I had in place was just a way of avoiding a decision which needs to be made, and which I clearly wasn't brave enough to think about yet.

But thankfully, I've been pretty much handed the courage to make the decision I wanted to. I'm not gonna continue to put life off.

I've finally got the freedom I've been craving, and now, finally and after much thought, it feels awesome.

Wish me luck :)



OztheWerewolf said...

You don't need any luck, because by acting so bravely you create your luck.. It's like building your own bridge before each step. Risky, but as long as you have music keeping you going, there's not much to be afraid of.
Congratulations for finding the guts to make this decision. I wish you all that can be wished for in this kind of situation.

PS: can I still do the artwork for your album ? ;)

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